The first PTF player draft is upon us. GM's are excited to begin this new league and draft the core of their franchise for year's to come. At the present moment 23 GM's still own their first round picks. That can still change, but that currently means around 75% GM's will be engaged in round 1 on Thursday. Who will they pick? I'll be honest, I have no real idea. But the good news is that in our modern culture, you don't need any expertise to weigh in as if you are an expert. So here's my humble attempt to fit in to our modern society.
#1-Cincinnati Bengals- QB-Byron Leftwich- It seems to be universally agreed upon by all other mock drafts that it will be Carson Palmer and we secretly believe that will be the case too. But I learned in grammar school (or at least I was told in grammar school) that the majority is often wrong, so we are going off the board with the official prediction and going with Leftwich. We know that GM Mellon likes drafting bigger players and Leftwich is the biggest QB this draft has. Plus he has the potential to be really good.
#2- Detroit Lions- QB-Carson Palmer- The Lions offense needs more help than the local Boone County DMV office (Will know's what I'm talking about here. It's just straight up brutal). It's easily the most poorly run company/organization I've ever seen. How is it possibly to make an appointment to get a real ID and still wait 2 1/2 hours after your appointment. Unbelievable!!! But I digress... Palmer will really help and he's got all the tools and is only 21 years old.
#3- Pittsburgh Steelers- QB-Rex Grossman- The Steelers traded half of Allegheny county (and late word is they also threw in the 1/1 Paul Skenes debut patch currently on display at Dick's headquarters) to move up from #15 to #3 presumably to select a franchise QB. We are going with Grossman just because we don't believe in Brooks Bollinger (At least until the next pick lol)
#4- Chicago Bears- QB-Brooks Bollinger- As we said with the last pick, we are big believers in Brooks Bollinger. We think he will be a Hall of Fame type player and would be thrilled to select him at pick #4 as I'm sure the Bears will be too.
#5- Dallas Cowboys- QB-Chris Simms- I'm not sure which player will be selected here at #5, but I'm pretty confident we will see the fifth straight QB. All five teams drafting in the top 5 will use "Orange Theory level" workouts to ensure that they get the best QB available. Incidentally is there a more aggressive company in marketing than Orange Theory? I was in a coffee shop last week listening to one of their employees calling the same people she called the previous couple days trying to get them to sign up. She literally said she has to keep calling until she is specifically told by them not to. Her list is one list you cannot afford to get on, but perhaps a really good one to sign up one of your friends for. Anyway, we are going Simms but there a couple of other guys that could be good here.
#6- Arizona Cardinals- QB-Dave Ragone- The Cardinals GM has a flair for the dramatic. I think he shocks the world by going QB. Dave Ragone, the man from the QB factory known as the University of Louisville is their man. In unrelated news, the Cardinals currently have two ROLB's on their roster and both of them are names LeVar, except that one is upper case V and the other is lower case v. Lower case Levar is making $1 million more per year than upper case Levar despite being 6 OVR points lower. This is the type of commentary you can only get in this mock draft.
#7- Houston Texans- QB-Gibran Hamdan- The Texans go right back to the QB position. I personally like Ragone a little better, but Hamdan can be really good. Here's a fun fact I saw on Instagram today so it has to true. The Texans are the only NFL team to never change their logo. Information for life!
#8- Jacksonville Jaguars- QB-Tony Romo- Does anyone else feel like Mark Brunell was born at age 33? I mean it feels like he has always been old. The Jags identify their need and promptly draft the Eastern Illinois star (I mean I guess he was a star there, it's Eastern Illinois, nobody saw their games so you can pretty much say anything you want about him). Hopefully he does better in the PTF than he is currently doing in the booth.
#9- Carolina Panthers- QB-Brian St. Pierre- There aren't many scenarios where you can draft the 9th best QB and he becomes the best of the three QB's on your team, but unfortunately that's the case in Carolina. Carolina might want to consider a QB in round 7 to be there back up too lol
#10- Baltimore Ravens- QB-Kyle Boller- Sometimes a pick just feels right. That's the case here at #10. Boller was a Raven in real life and he runs it back in the PTF as well. We think Boller's AWR is going up in the skew (honestly it can't go down much) so we think he's got the sneaky upside here at 10. On second thought sneaky might not be a good word here considering how the Colts left Baltimore, but I would need to get a thesaurus to reword and I'm too close to being done to put that much work in, so we are going with sneaky.
Well that's it. In the true spirit of Statler and Waldorf, I hope this has brought a unique perspective to the overall PTF mock draft conversation. Good luck to all the GM's!
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